Just float.

A lightbulb has gone off in my head tonight. Rather, God has revealed to me what He is teaching me right here, right now in this moment; gentleness. Eek! It’s plain as day. To be completely honest with you, gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit that I HAD already proudly checked off  my high Christian horse list of one that I, of course, already “mastered” and had “down pat”. As my Spanish professor in high school would say, WRONG-O!!!  I need to work on gentleness. This is a gut wrencher for me. It’s the greatest feeling when you get slapped in the face by the Author of your life. Thanks, God! To say/think I am ungentle makes me sound like a hard-hearted, cold-blooded meanie.  Gentleness is so much more than being warm, kind and soft. What does gentleness really mean? Here are some definitions that I have found from Beth Moore’s “Living Beyond Yourself” study that describe gentleness:

“meekness…inward grace of soul, calmness toward God in particular…the acceptance of God’s dealings with us considering them as good in that they enhance the closeness of our relationship with Him…it is not the result of weakness but the activity of the blessedness that exists in one’s heart from being actively angry at evil…”

Gentleness is submission, the “resting of resistance to God.” To sum it up: STOP FIGHTING GOD. I am guilty of hanging on by a thread to MY will while the Lord’s will hits me out of no where like a ton of bricks. Oh sweet soul have I gone kicking and screaming, tapping my toe at Jesus with a smug look on my face as if I deserve any better than this life He has given me. I was talking to another change-despising friend the other day about an analogy that truly visualizes this act of “submission” for me. Imagine we are standing hip high in the ocean at the beach and a massive, gnarly (such a beach word) wave is coming at you. In that moment you can choose one of two options; 1) lock your knees and get slammed by the wave OR 2) bend your knees and simply float as the water takes you where it intends to go.  Oh boy would I rather NOT drown. I get it now. He is teaching me this VITAL fruit of the Spirit that can sometime go unnoticed, but yet seeps into every aspect of my life and in every relationship. I need to calmly accept what God is doing, see it as GOOD and LET HIM do what He created me to do and LET HIM lead me down the path He has laid out before me. I need to float. The great thing about learning things like this is that I will never be perfect and the Son of God didn’t come to die for perfect people. Whew. Can I get a Hallelujah?

“As for me, I am in Your hands; do with me whatever you think is good and right.” Jeremiah 26:14

bittersweet.

I’m back.

It’s been awhile. Reading back through old posts from last year, awe is an understatement of emotion that I feel when I think of where I am now…on the other side of those requests, events of excitement and prayers (answered). One thing I have been reminded about in reading my old (and few) posts is that God is stinkin’ FAITHFUL. I encourage everyone to stop right now, go through your old blog posts, journals, notes, whatever and SEE for yourself that He HAS answered prayers in your own lives. I promise they will be a catalyst for an increase in faith, like mine have been.

Anyways, where am I now? To sum up the season of life that I am in currently, one word comes to mind: bittersweet. As cliché as it sounds, I am on the verge of a new, fresh chapter in life. Everyone keeps telling me that “this is the time to spread your wings and fly” or “the world is at your fingertips.” So much excitement, yet so much fear. If you know me, then you know that I don’t like change. At all. I am consistent and loyal. Maybe I don’t want to spread my wings and take off just yet. A part of me wants to stay on the ground. I like everything to always stay the same. I don’t like change to the point that I feel a sudden rush of sheer panic every time I think of leaving the quaint, wonderful town of College Station, my house bursting with encouraging roommates and the people that have helped shape me as a woman over the past four years. The reality is, all of this WILL come true in May when I graduate and move to a completely new city and start a new job…[cue panic attack]. What do I know to be true, though? That God is the same yesterday, today and will be tomorrow. He never changes. Amidst the changing circumstances in my life, He is constant. THAT, my dear friends, is so incredibly comforting. If this season of life has been tough for you too, you will love this verse:

“Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord – that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.” James 5:11

If you know the story of Job, then you know that he had everything taken away from him; family, livestock, everything. Literally. How did the story end? God restored everything to him and then some…TWICE as much as he had to begin with! All I know is that once I’m on the other side of this big fat mountain of change I am facing, the end intended by the Lord will be great and His plans will be so much better than I can think or fathom at this point. Although I am being shaken and stretched and pushed out of my bubble of sweet comfort, I just need to endure. Persevere. Enjoy each moment that I am in NOW, in the PRESENT. He will lead me one baby step at a time. And the same goes for you. He is full of mercy and compassion. Amen.

Can’t wait to see what streams he is crafting in my desert this year…